5 Steps for how to Mend a Broken Marriage
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Marriages are difficult. Even the best of relationships can reach a place that requires a little bit of TLC. You should remember that there are many different reasons that your relationship might need mending, so the way to repairing the relationship may be unique to those circumstances. But following is a list of five simple steps that you can take to start mending your broken marriage today.
- Commit to mending it. This means that both people get together and have an honest conversation agreeing that you both want to fix this thing. Many marriages end because only one person wants to repair it. Find out now if that's the case and save yourself a little bit of the heartache.
- Stop the blame game. Mending your marriage isn't about "winning". It isn't about who did things right and who did them wrong. You won't get anywhere with the relationship if you take that approach to healing it. So next time that you're about to say, "but you did this" or "you never that", stop yourself. Those sentences lead nowhere. Likewise, it's useless to think in terms of, "if only I'd done this" or "it's my fault that she did that". Just stop so you can move on with the mending.
- Figure out what you want. You can't mend a marriage if you don't even know what you want from the other person. Sit down with a journal, a best friend or a private counselor and figure out what you see as being the problems in the relationship. Figure out what you need to be different before you can have a happy marriage again.
- Be nice. One of the things that frequently happens in marriages is that you forget to be nice to one another. Remember the little ways that you used to light up each other's lives? When he came in the door, you greeted him with a kiss and a genuine look of appreciation that he was there. When she put on a new dress, you stopped in your tracks to stare and tell her she was beautiful. Yes, now you've seen each other at your ugliest and you put up with each other's flaws. But taking little steps to remind each other of why you think the other person's pretty terrific goes a long way towards mending the daily problems of a relationship.
- Plan a no-baggage vacation. Yes, your marriage has big issues that need to be dealt with. You need to talk about the money problems, the lack of attention, the different directions you're going, the in-laws, the affair. It's all going to need to be dealt with. Eventually. But it's a lot easier to deal with those things when you feel pleasant towards one another. Take a few days to go on a vacation in which the goal is just to get to re-know each other and have a good time. See something new together, ask first-date-type questions such as, "why did you get the degree you did" and "what exactly do you do at your job?" Assuming that you know the other person is a huge problem in marriages. Taking the time to get to know them again without the fights and hang-ups and baggage lays a good foundation for dealing with the big issues that need to be addressed.
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thats my picture
Great guide and absolutely true.
Kind of related to what you mentioned in #2, I myself have experience doing something for my wife and naturally expect something from her in return - and if I don't get it, it arouses anger in me. Of course I need to admit my part that I wasn't matured enough. Even though I was trying to be nice(4), my expectation from my from spouse was little off(3), and self control (2) wasn't that good. Fortunately, it wasn't a broken marriage but I can't stress enough how important the communication is. Thanks Kathryn!
This guide sounds wonderful!! I am definately going to try it out and see if it works I am desperate, I need to find something to helf fix our marriage!! Pray for me that it will work
Communication, consideration and confirmation are the cornerstones of a happy, healthy marriage. In marriage, an individual's spouse should be the one person they can always confide in, the one that always makes them feel loved unconditionally, and the one that they can count on no matter what. If you are trying to save your marriage at all costs, then this is type of relationship you need to cultivate.
Very well written hub .....
very much informative ......
Thank you very much for your great hub, for good advice, good wishes and support. Thanks for sharing your experience with all of us.
I must say that out of all of the tips, number two is one of the most crucial steps. By playing the blame game, you will NEVER GET ANYWHERE.
I love this hub. Very informative!
I've noted all the 5 steps... because time to time my marriage (as all...) suffers a little! Very nice hub! Thanks.
Great hub, good advice! I think items 2 and 4, ending the blame game and being nice are really important. I've been on the marriage-go-round a few times but I'm trying to make this one last.
Very useful hub!
I like this hub.
Thanks!
Very informative .
Communication is key to any marriage ,sometimes a vacation helps alot. Great Hub
Nice Hub!
The biggest factor to me is both people working at it and trying to make it work.
This is a really great hub with some really good info for those wishing to save their marriage.After living through a divorce years back i know with certainty that you should try everything to salvage the marriage relationship if at all possible especially when children are involved.
Forget the 5 steps; frankly speaking, the institution of marriage should be abolished. As our culture has changed in America the institution has become less valued. I would be in favor of legalizing prostitution, tax them as a business, (which it really is) and eliminate the marriage tax burden. Forget the church endorsements and all the false stories they give you about God, Man, Woman and Marriage. The compatability of Man and Woman cannot survive in american culture and there is plenty of evidence to show that it does not. If you want to marry, then find another country where they value that type of relationship.
I suggested this hub as a link using the phrase "mend a broken relationship" under my article "How to Mend a Broken Relationship". You have mentioned tips that should be remembered by our readers about marriage. Have a great week!
Thought I would share this as well: http://rpsmith.saveafailingmarriage.info/marriage- -- A few good bits that could save a failing marriage
WOW Icecil....u are a loser....those comments are so negative....I have been married to my wife for 13 years and love her to death....i bet u jerkoff alot....LOSER!
dear victory good morning how are i am in the libraray waiting for you to come over to the libraray to tell you thank you for calling me on tue night because i was waiting for you
see you soon victory
love from valentina
I myself have experience doing something for my wife and naturally expect something from her in return - and if I don't get it, it arouses anger in me. Of course I need to admit my part that I wasn't matured enough. Even though I was trying to be nice(4), my expectation from my from spouse was little off(3), and self control (2) wasn't that good.
I found that in a committed relationship, there shouldn't be a reason for failure. One must admit that a constant communication it's esentional in maintaining the care and love for one another. In my case, all of the above was placed as a second or third thing to follow, my marriage broke and now I am attempting to repair it. The situation it's very difficult as we now blame each other for our failures, instead of accepting responsibility. The message Hub is stating it's true in all it's capacity.
Hai all, are you aware of the marriage registration rules and importance of registering marriage? If not please see now http://marriageregistrationrules.blogspot.com/
Great hub. Marriage is wonderful and if one or other has a problem within marriage it needs to be discussed. If there is communication between the partners it can usually be resolved.
When we first get together we are making our lover feel like the most important person in our lives. Let's make the choice to continue making our lovers the most important thing in our lives to enjoy a closer more loving relationship. Check out http://MagicMakeups.blogspot.com for more relationship articles.
I'm sure its over, I keep looking @ the advice & I just keep seeing it as over. He doesn't want to change or think anything is wrong & when I try to talk to him nicely he just calls himself a pos & asks why I am with him...maybe he just wants it over but wants me to do it. :( I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to.
Dear Saddly - read this one hub and the ones related to it before you decide ok?
http://privateye2500.hubpages.com/hub/Marriages-in
I hope the author will allow this post as I feel it is important that we work together to assist people in pain.
Thanks..... great info... I needed that
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Me and my wife quit talking she said she wanted a separation and I became angry and that demon inside me came out now I'm trying like hell to salvage my marriage I love this beautiful woman with all my heart. I don't want to lose her everything I've read suggests that there is hope for us.
My husband lied tobme from the very start of our marriage! He has been very verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive! He has used me for money and has no intentions of paying me back! I did everything I could to help him financially and got many loans in my name and he has left me stuck with all the financial pressures! I did everything I could to try and save our marriage! I don't feel like he has ever loved me and all I am to him is money bags. When i lost my job, he broke things off with me and then we got back together and broke up a couple more times! He does not appreciate anything i have done for him and I tried everything to keep our marriage together! I prayed my heart out for God to heal my marriage! I began to discover that he had been on facebook flirt with other women and I believe now he is cheating on me with another woman! He told me he was thru with me and that it was over! He no longer speaks to me or has any kind of communication with me at all!!!! I have asked him to help me financially and he will not respond! He has thrown away our marriage! All I ever tried to do was be a very good wife to him!!! He was married 3x before me and I had to find that out the hard way! He has 4 kids with 2 of his ex wives! He always put his kids before me and never showed me any kind of respect! He made decisions with his ex wife and never gave me the respect I deserved since I gave and committed my life to him! All the other ex wives complain about how he was abusive to them as well! I have given up on my marriage! It was not of God! I once thought it was, but he deceived me with his lies! I used to think he was a godly man when we first met, but not now after all his lies, abuse, and cheating! I did not deserve any of this! I am still serving God and trying to forgive my husband for all his wrong doing! I can't see how God could ever restore such a hellish marriage! I dont want a husband who cheats on me and lies!!! But I guess I want to see what you would have to say about a situation like this!!! Please help and give me some advice!
Kenny Wordsmith Level 1 Commenter 4 years ago
Useful, very useful to those who know it's breaking apart!